This time of year can be especially stressful for parents who have recently separated or divorced. For families who celebrate Christmas, it often means parents are buying at least some gifts separately for their children.
It’s best when co-parents can work together to get their kids things they need as well as some things they simply want – without duplicating gifts. They may buy the more expensive gifts like electronics and bikes together and have them come from both parents (or Santa).
For some parents, unfortunately, Christmas is a time to one-up their co-parent by purchasing gifts their ex can’t afford or thinks are too expensive to give a child. Some parents who go over the top on gift giving do so because they feel guilty about the upheaval they’ve created in their lives and because they can’t be there for them as much as they used to.
What can you do?
If you have a co-parent who has done this in the past or indicates they will this year, there are things you can do to try to rein them in. For example, it can help to propose a dollar limit on spending for each child and track your spending through a co-parenting app. If you’re still in the process of finalizing your parenting plan, you can suggest addressing gift-giving there.
If your co-parent insists on going over the top with gifts that you can’t afford, it may be worthwhile to consider addressing this in your child support agreement so there isn’t such a disparity. Even the suggestion of having to pay more in child support may be enough to break a co-parent of an overspending habit.
Meanwhile, it’s important to remember that while a child may be temporarily impressed by an expensive phone or a holiday skiing trip, it’s the everyday things you do for them as a parent they’ll likely remember.
Don’t penalize the kids
Let them enjoy the gifts. That means don’t disparage your co-parent to your child for not giving you enough money to match their holiday spending. Also, don’t prohibit your child from using or playing with your co-parent’s gift in your home (unless it’s something that’s not allowed there, like a toy weapon).
If this holiday season presents these kinds of challenges, it’s worth considering whether modifying any of your divorce agreements in the new year can make things less stressful in the future. Having experienced, compassionate legal guidance can help.
